National Physicians Week Gifts

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Medical personnel give their hearts

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

First, do no harm. - Physician's oath. First, do no harm to each other. - Patient's oath. That second one is going to be tricky someday, Hippocrates.

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

'Long shift?'

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

"Turn your head and cough."

"I don't leave home without it!"

Surgeon walks through hospital where sign says, 'No Stresspassing'.

Separation

Healthcare declaration

"I was able to consolidate all your prescriptions into a single pill."

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Snap out of it.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

It's A Breeze

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'