National Physicians Week Pillows

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Medical personnel give their hearts

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

'Long shift?'

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

"Turn your head and cough."

Separation

Healthcare declaration

Surgeon walks through hospital where sign says, 'No Stresspassing'.

"I don't leave home without it!"

"I was able to consolidate all your prescriptions into a single pill."

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Snap out of it.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

It's A Breeze

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'