Medical Professionals Day Pillows

'A little professionalism, people. When asking a patient to undress, we do not giggle.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Medical personnel give their hearts

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

Busy office.

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'