Medical Professionals Day T-Shirts

'A little professionalism, people. When asking a patient to undress, we do not giggle.'

It would be so great if, just once, someone didn't waltz in here complaining about something. Emergency.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Medical personnel give their hearts

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

First, do no harm. - Physician's oath. First, do no harm to each other. - Patient's oath. That second one is going to be tricky someday, Hippocrates.

Busy office.