Medical Graduates' Day Pillows

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Hmph. College kids.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Medical personnel give their hearts

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."