Medical Graduates' Day Gifts

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Hmph. College kids.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

Dancing Doctor

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Medical personnel give their hearts

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'