Doctor's Day Gifts

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

'It's a postcard from your doctor. He says he'll be right with you.'

'Doctor, I'm tired all the time.'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'What I really hate is preventive medicine. The go after us before we even do anything.'

Nurse has painted target of patient's butt.

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Hippocrates wraps up his first press conference...'

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

"...and how long have you had no feeling in your left foot?"

"They're to remind me to change your bandages."

"Not to worry, ma'am. We're far from exhausting our treatment options."

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

'A woman obsetrician! What do women know about that sort of thing?'

'I know it's a bummer. We don't like it any more than you do. Now, back away from the desk.'

"Oh. I know what that organ is! Wait, don't tell me."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'I'm transferring you to Dr. Lipschitz for your liver transplant... I hate liver!'

"Oops, forgot... I also have REALLY high blood pressure."

"Turn your head and cough."

"Why do I have all these cell phones? Well, I am an 'on-call-ogist'."

'You are a very good doctor. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'You have a lovely neck, Miss Jones. I'm going to prescribe some anticoagulant fot it.'