Doctors' Day Gifts

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

Overworked doctors in need of sleep

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

"Do you have any fresh medical mumbo jumbo?"

Out of Emergency into Doctor's Lounge

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

'This is the part I hate...'

"If you find anything else wrong, just go ahead and fix it."

Gynecology pigeon hole

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

'You're wrong...this is brain surgery.'

'Underpaid, overworked, stressed and sick of criticism...still enough of my problems do you still need the toilet?'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

It's not catching, is it? - The doctor hates to catch things.

Doctor sleeps in a patients bed.

'I'm going on vacation so here are a few prescriptions for a laxative, decongestant, antacid, analgesic, and antidepressant to tide you over.'

'Have you been at this long?'

Surgeon walks through hospital where sign says, 'No Stresspassing'.

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Snap out of it.'

'They say medicine is a calling. . . but it's days like this I wish I'd had call waiting.'

"Look! There's a song in his heart."

"Now that you're supposed to see me again I thought I'd pop in and see if there was anything wrong with me that I hadn't noticed yet!"

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'He's got great bedside manner.'

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?