Medical School Graduation Gifts

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"The machine's done something really weird to Mr. Hendrickson."

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

Even medical students sometimes have to repeat a year.

'A little professionalism, people. When asking a patient to undress, we do not giggle.'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'I have no idea what that thing is either...'

'Picked one you like yet?'

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

"One of us is a placebo, Mr Jones..."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'I was such a good student that I skipped a year in medical school - but that's why I never learned about kidneys.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"Good news Mr Pondexter! We found a kidney donor."

'Higgins, control yourself and sit down!'

'So, if this procedure is 100% safe, why do I need to sign this waiver?!'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'It might help if you were more cordial with your patients.' 'Dammit, Nurse -- I'm a doctor, not an actor!'

"The hip bone's connected to the...' Once you start humming, it all comes back to you."

'A woman obsetrician! What do women know about that sort of thing?'

Endocrinology.

Anatomy.

'Actually, it's a quite routine operation -- would you like to make it more interesting?'

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

Gynecology pigeon hole

'He's an actor. We have him go berserk so we can weed out interns who won't be able to handle tough operations.'

"Turn your head and cough."

"Your first operation? Mine too!"

'So, using surgical anastomosis, the blood vessels are restructured one by one … oh, who are we kidding? There's not one of you in this room will ever be a microsurgeon!'

"Spare us the gory details."

"And this one is the very first surgical procedure I ever performed."