Medical Appreciation Day Gifts

'Sorry about the wait. I was doing some medical type stuff to another patient.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"And there's a surcharge if you insist on annoying the doctor with any self-diagnosis you found on google."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Staff support"

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

Medical personnel give their hearts

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"I think it stopped breathing."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

First, do no harm. - Physician's oath. First, do no harm to each other. - Patient's oath. That second one is going to be tricky someday, Hippocrates.

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'