Hospital Staff Appreciation Day Gifts

'Well, a quick yank didn't work, either. Let's get you some lower tack bandages.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Staff support"

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

Dancing Doctor

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'