National Doctors' Day Pillows

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

Medical personnel give their hearts

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Keyworker

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

First, do no harm. - Physician's oath. First, do no harm to each other. - Patient's oath. That second one is going to be tricky someday, Hippocrates.

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."