Doctor's Day Off Pillows

"[...] That one looks like a grade four glioblastoma multiforme!" "Brain surgeons looking at clouds"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Medical personnel give their hearts

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."