Doctors' Day Laughs Pillows

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Medical personnel give their hearts

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

First, do no harm. - Physician's oath. First, do no harm to each other. - Patient's oath. That second one is going to be tricky someday, Hippocrates.

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.