Thank You Doctor Day Pillows

'As an amnesiac, we'll slowly build memory. Now, pay me and then try to remember paying me.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Medical personnel give their hearts

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

First, do no harm. - Physician's oath. First, do no harm to each other. - Patient's oath. That second one is going to be tricky someday, Hippocrates.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

What Do Doctors Dream About?

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."