Medical Professional Week Gifts

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

A midwife holding a baby

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"WHich one is mine?"

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"Say 'eh.'"

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"I think it stopped breathing."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I stand corrected."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Mouse is doctor to lions with thorns in paws.

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

"We think it has something to do with your genome."