Mythical Monster Maven Gifts

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Muscles

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Ninja bread men"

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Swiss army knife

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Stonehenge Explained

Invisible clothes

Wolf to Red Riding Hood: 'No thanks, I'm on a strict grandmother diet.'

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

Myths and legends...

Save the unicorn.

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Like that?"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Moses as a child.

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

"Kiss me and I'll turn into a Prince. But I have to be honest with you, if asked about it I'll deny the whole sordid affair!"

Cover Design for Yellow Book Prospectus for Vol 5 (Not Published)

"Do I have to go out again!?"

Upper West Side Story

Broadway Theater coming productions. Look, they're bringing back a production of "Hair" with all the original cast members. It's going to be called "Bald".

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

Magic Ring to gain entry into Tolkien Archive

'My crystal ball is in the shop. Pick a fortune cookie.'