Monster Movie Maven Gifts

"See, this why we can't have nice things."

Cinema nasties

Monkey Rejection

"Don't panic, Doris, it's just a giant gorilla don't hurt it, it's a protected species!"

Muscles

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Instructional guide to scribbling

"Ninja bread men"

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"I love an ape, secure in his masculinity!"

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Save the unicorn.

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Upper West Side Story

Giant gorilla peers at female victim. She says into cellphone: "I can't talk now, he's right here."

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"Now all we need is a good script."

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'Ok, who's been playing rap music in front of the bird?!'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

BIC TAYLOR MAKES A HORRIFIC DISCOVERY IN THE CHILLING CLIMAX TO 'PLANET OF THE PENCILS.'

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'You've got to give Tom credit. When he's searching for parts for his car online, nothing bothers him...and I mean nothing!'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!