Mythical Mischief Makers Pillows

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

"Hello, is this 999?"

"It's that neighbour from hell again..."

"Okay, one more time. . . let there be light!!"

Newt sale

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

The Tooth Ferret

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

Knights

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

God creates humans.

'What's my fortune then?!

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'I can't undo anything - I've forgot my toolbox!'

A trap for Santa

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"I told you we should have given them treats!"

Frankie the discount genie

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

Santa's sleigh up on cinder blocks.

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

'...and you can take that wag off your tail!'

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

'I never dreamed that Lady Godiva would run AGAINST me!'

Aircraft accidentally hits a witch.

'No pennies.'

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

'I'm here for making house calls to the homes of doctors at 3am.'

'What's the score?'

"Well, it seems that St. Patrick didn't drive all the snakes out of Ireland."

'-and leave the money in used notes in the left luggage department...'

',,,'Sidekick' not a psychic'

Tommy Cooper.