Mystical Misfit Pillows

He's my vaguely familiar.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

Whatever!

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'Stan, wait!... Wrong game!'

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"I'm pretty sure the definition leadership is the use of anger to motivate those who are already miserable."

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

All's well that ends well

"How is the new hearing aid?"

The Island of Misfit Pants

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

'It's a case of wrongful arrest - you haven't had a heart attack.'

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

"Airplane Mode doesn't work. I threw your phone out the window and it didn't fly."

',,,'Sidekick' not a psychic'

'Okay, so we went over the top with it, but our PR team said it would generate a lot of buzz.'