Magical Misfits Pillows

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

Whatever!

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Broom! Broom!"

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

Something beautiful comes out of a big mess.

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

'What's my fortune then?!

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

All's well that ends well

The Island of Misfit Pants

"How is the new hearing aid?"

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

He was raised by a pack of wolves, and the cleaning lady who came in twice a month.

',,,'Sidekick' not a psychic'

"Airplane Mode doesn't work. I threw your phone out the window and it didn't fly."

"I mean, why even live in the city if you're not going to do New York City things?"

'-and leave the money in used notes in the left luggage department...'

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'