Medical Misfits Pillows

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

Whatever!

'That's strange, all the monitors are going crazy again!'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

"I'm just messing with you."

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

"I'm pretty sure the definition leadership is the use of anger to motivate those who are already miserable."

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

The Island of Misfit Pants

'No, your wife wasn't wearing clean underwear. She wasn't wearing any underwear at all.'

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"