Medical Misfits Gifts

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

Whatever!

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'That's strange, all the monitors are going crazy again!'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

Obstruction of justice? Yeah, I can give you something for that.

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

"I'm pretty sure the definition leadership is the use of anger to motivate those who are already miserable."

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"I'm just messing with you."

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"

'No, your wife wasn't wearing clean underwear. She wasn't wearing any underwear at all.'