Romantic Misfit Pillows

Drawing the short straw.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

Dating site - buy a dog.

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

He's my vaguely familiar.

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

All's well that ends well

"How is the new hearing aid?"

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

"Airplane Mode doesn't work. I threw your phone out the window and it didn't fly."

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

"I don't like sweetcorn".

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

"Those are good, but the fire department doesn’t really need a sketch artist."

The Illiterate's Club.