Romantic Misfit Gifts

Drawing the short straw.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

Dating site - buy a dog.

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

He's my vaguely familiar.

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"How is the new hearing aid?"

"I don't think this guy is even remotely capable of getting a clue."

All's well that ends well

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

"Those are good, but the fire department doesn’t really need a sketch artist."

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

How about listening to music to help you exercise? Ok. I'll make you a playlist. Who do you like? Bach. Wow, nana. You are so hip! I haven't even heard him yet. He's an indie rocker, right? Very indie!

"I don't like sweetcorn".

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

"Airplane Mode doesn't work. I threw your phone out the window and it didn't fly."

The Illiterate's Club.