Culinary Misfit Gifts

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

"Just the galoshes and coat, Timmy."

'That guy is SO tacky.'

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

He's my vaguely familiar.

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

All's well that ends well

"How is the new hearing aid?"

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

"Those are good, but the fire department doesn’t really need a sketch artist."

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

"I mean, why even live in the city if you're not going to do New York City things?"

'I don't fit where I belong.'

"When I recommended you join a gym...I didn't mean as a member of the board!"

The Illiterate's Club.