Meeting Misfit Pillows

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

'If this is 'Office Team Day' why are we wearing different colours?'

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

"I'm pretty sure the definition leadership is the use of anger to motivate those who are already miserable."

Dating site - buy a dog.

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

'Stan, wait!... Wrong game!'

He's my vaguely familiar.

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

All's well that ends well

"How is the new hearing aid?"

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

"I was expelled from reform school."

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

"Those are good, but the fire department doesn’t really need a sketch artist."

'I don't fit where I belong.'

"When I recommended you join a gym...I didn't mean as a member of the board!"

"No stamp on you voice mail, Mr. Figgis."

"I didn't know it was casual wing day."

The Illiterate's Club.

"I said, you missed a belt loop."

I Will Not Text In Class # Mean Teacher

'I don't understand that 'C' in music. I sing louder than anyone else.'