Mystical Humor Lover Gifts

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Your mutual fund is being managed by a 10-time loser.'

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

'Wait till you see how absurdly easy it is to connect to the spirits with the new i ball.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

The worm that churned!

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Cat Seance

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

"Look! A sushi bar!"

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'I'VE GOT EYE CANDY!'

"Excuse me, but I'm the only one who opens cans around here!"

Banana

'My biological clock finally went off.'

"Must go now Zelda. The builders have just arrived"

You will go on a trip.

"Charlie's really interested in co-operative housing..."

Helicopter rescues mouse in maze.

When I said I wanted a second opinion on my prognosis, this isn't exactly what I meant.

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

'Got any old teeth for putting under pillows?'

Man asking lady if she cares for him

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"I can't read anything right now. We have to wait a bit: Your palm is all wrinkled..."

'I should warn you - he's quite a badly damaged individual.'

'C'mon, let's get married! Just imagine - our kids could fly over the moon!'

Exam Questions Foretold