Mystical Humor Lover T-Shirts

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Your mutual fund is being managed by a 10-time loser.'

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

'Wait till you see how absurdly easy it is to connect to the spirits with the new i ball.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

The worm that churned!

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

Cat Seance

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

"Look! A sushi bar!"

Banana

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'I'VE GOT EYE CANDY!'

"Excuse me, but I'm the only one who opens cans around here!"

'My biological clock finally went off.'

"Must go now Zelda. The builders have just arrived"

"Charlie's really interested in co-operative housing..."

"I can't read anything right now. We have to wait a bit: Your palm is all wrinkled..."

Man asking lady if she cares for him

'C'mon, let's get married! Just imagine - our kids could fly over the moon!'

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

'Got any old teeth for putting under pillows?'

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

'I should warn you - he's quite a badly damaged individual.'

Exam Questions Foretold

Fortune Teller looks aghast at what she shes in her crystal ball.

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

"I actually have a groupon for a fourth wish."