Mystical Humor Lovers T-Shirts

'I can't give you any good news...My crystal ball is down.'

'I discern a certain trans-delusional approach emboldened by a meta-cognitive imbalance - in other words, you've maxed out on your credit cards.'

'I see you will organise a pressure group to oppose the 'get the travellers out of town' campaign.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Kids these days and their piercings..."

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

You will go on a trip.

"Take us to your feeder."

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

Witch's child wants to ride mechanical broom.

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

Man asking lady if she cares for him

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"Out bending spoons at Pop's diner."

"Slimey, what a lovely name."

Exam Questions Foretold

"Once upon a time there were three little pigs who had this real sweetheart of a rent-controlled deal."

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

Wrong Address

'Madam Zelda sees all'

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.

Madam Mae: Fortune teller - Fortune 500.

'Never mind all that stuff! Can you see somewhere to park next tuesday?'

"Would it kill you to put on something nice when I summon you from the dead?"

"You will be going on a long walk."

"Don't be so chintzy with the life line!"

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

"Shh...here he comes, and he's got the brain and the heart with him"

"You're going on a very short journey."

"Oh, awkward - my ex. . ."