Mystic Humor Appreciator T-Shirts

"All I keep getting is 'The subject is not a subscriber'."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"Did you have a cat?"

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

Tyrannosaurus Tex

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"'Host' and Cheese?"

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

You will go on a trip.

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

'Their disability not withstanding she severed their tails.'

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

Man asking lady if she cares for him

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

Exam Questions Foretold

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

"Seducers, politicians and non-believers, it's all become so humdrum. I often wonder, where have all the sorcerers and fortune tellers gone?"

'Madam Zelda sees all'

A prediction.

"I'm dating a spiritualist medium..."