Mystic Humor Appreciator Pillows

"All I keep getting is 'The subject is not a subscriber'."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

"Did you have a cat?"

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

Tyrannosaurus Tex

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

"'Host' and Cheese?"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

'Their disability not withstanding she severed their tails.'

Man asking lady if she cares for him

Exam Questions Foretold

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

The newspaper that psychics read every morning.

A prediction.

"Seducers, politicians and non-believers, it's all become so humdrum. I often wonder, where have all the sorcerers and fortune tellers gone?"