Mystical Humor Fan Gifts

"Rock, paper or scissors?"

'I forecast a cashflow of

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Dog in casino.

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"This way I don't have to lug around that big bag."

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

'How come this sheep tastes like sugar?'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

Bus for Giraffes.

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

Fortunes. Tarot. Palms. You punched the fortune teller just because he was smiling? I always wanted to strike a happy medium.

The Tin Man really should have asked the wizard for common sense.

JEEZ! Who the hell is drawing you?

'I guess I don't need to tell you that you got the job.'

Baby delivery

"I've finally accepted the fact that I am full of it. . . with the help of my psychiatrist."

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

Scare Doe

You will go on a trip.

'Hey! When did you learn cursive?'

The emperor penguin's new clothes.

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'

"Yes, I see where you left your phone."

' I can't drink that..I'm a recovering alcoholic ! '

Cow Keepie Uppies

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

You know I'm never going to say when, right?