Mystic Messenger Gifts

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- I've decided to make a career move to the Scientologists.'

"He apologizes for not contacting us during the previous session. The wi-fi was off in the hereafter."

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Asking out a palm reader.

Trilby - 'A voice he didn't understand'.

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"That? Oh, it's last year's calendar."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Nostradamus.

"Ding dong means the witch is dead. Ding ding means dinner is ready."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

'Uh, are you sure you can handle enlightenment?'

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

"I have grave news."

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

'The spirit of Miss Tiger Lilly couldn't come this week!'

'I see you're not wearing clean underpants.'

Your Palm

'Why, thank you -- I made it out of a molehill.'

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

'...George isn't in right now, but you can email him at...'

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'

'I don't see any tall, dark strangers in your future, just a series of oddball cats.'

Saint Patrick sending snakes out of Ireland.

"It's curious. No matter how hard I try, I can't find your life line."

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

"My first husband was Roland, 'The Human Cannonball', .... and then one day he didn't go ballistic."

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.