Mystic Communicator Gifts

"It's your dear departed wife. She's located your tonsils and appendix."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

Quantum Psychic

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"I'll check and see if he's available."

A voodoo doctor.

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

A self-filling prophecy.

"I've been feeling more transparent."

Shakespearean Actor

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

Your Palm

'When will it be o.k. to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

Seance: That line is currently busy...would you care to keep holding?

"You CAN be an effective haunter - we just need to unlock your potential!"

"He says that it's really not that bad down there."

'...George isn't in right now, but you can email him at...'

Saint Patrick sending snakes out of Ireland.

'He said my future stinks.'

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

Ouija board speaks recorded options

"Will I pass the math test tomorrow, mom?"