Mystic Message Lover Gifts

Let me put it this way - make sure you wear clean underwear next Tuesday.

Tiny Visions

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

Will Work for Food: By 'work' I mean do nothing. . . by 'food' I mean cash.

Your Palm

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

For services to Tourism. . .

Octopus Lady

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'...George isn't in right now, but you can email him at...'

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."

Seance: That line is currently busy...would you care to keep holding?

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

When I said I wanted a second opinion on my prognosis, this isn't exactly what I meant.

"What's he doing here?"

The End is Near.

Exam Questions Foretold

Fortune Teller looks aghast at what she shes in her crystal ball.

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- I've decided to make a career move to the Scientologists.'

'Never mind all that stuff! Can you see somewhere to park next tuesday?'

Meaning Of Life $5.00

"He apologizes for not contacting us during the previous session. The wi-fi was off in the hereafter."

"It's your dear departed wife. She's located your tonsils and appendix."

Sasq-watch: A Watch in the form of Sasquatch/Bigfoot

''See, I told you this whole Bigfoot thing was nothing more than an elaborate hoax.''

"And right about then the price of great big stones went out of sight."

Next week's hindsight today - The future is now next week.

'You are being completely duped by a stranger! She says she can foretell your future, but she is just a con artist...'