Musical Therapy Humorist Gifts

"Apply ice and no shirtless accordian playing for a couple weeks."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

Radiator jazz player

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Elevator Music

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

Computer help.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'