Musical Therapy Humorist Pillows

"Apply ice and no shirtless accordian playing for a couple weeks."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Elevator Music

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

Rap-scallions

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

Computer help.

"How long have I had what problem?"

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."