Musical Club Member Gifts

"Howard, you've met my ukulele ladies before."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"You'll learn a lot at our book club...like how to read between the wines."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

Niche Extracurriculars

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"I compose using post it notes!"

"No concert bookings for at least two weeks. Restringing..."

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

Bass Clef

Men drinking

"It's not you. It's pea."

Pole Vaulting Club

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

'What a huge disappointment. I thought French Club was about kissing!'

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

"I want to report a race crime.'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Anton Bruckner.

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

She always had her flute... just in case.

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

Actors' dispute.

'I used to be a copper but now I play in a jazz trio - I'd give anything to get back on the beat.'

Hamlet

'We are banned from reporting inside that country, so instead our correspondent joins us from the Dog and Duck, just around the corner.'