Museum Guide Gifts

'Please do not touch' signs all over a museum. The guard has a 'please touch' above her.

"It's an audio guide, sweetheart, not a remote."

'And here, the artist is clearly making an ironic statement about the fleeting nature of material possessions.'

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

'It must have been one of those 'Casual Fridays'.'

Scared sheep visiting a Damien Hirst exhibition.

'Art overload - even this is beginning to llke like kitsch.'

Painting of boat is tilted with water on bottom.

"I think he was a celebrity."

Art gallery - information/information other than 'where's the shop'.

"This pose is murder on my back!"

People watching the football in an art gallery.

Painting sticking out tongue

'This is the painting he was about to start when he shot himself.'

'The Laughing Cavalier' frowning as its not happy hour at the gallery yet

"The birth of Christianity? Down this corridor 2000 years."

Art Gallery.

"It's called a painting - it doesn't move or make any sounds...."

"Dad, I swear - I didn't sneeze!"

"...And we ask that you please not make fun of the name."

Elephant in an art gallery, "I don't know much about art but I know what I like"

"I like this one."

"This great painter saw people as they really were."

"Apparently it's a temporary exhibit."

Whistler's Mother

"And here we have the complete skull of an orthodontosaurus."

"Damn. . . I forgot my reading glasses."

The brochure says she had a killer smile back in the day."

Little girl imitating a painting in an art gallery

"So Zeus was like their President Bill Clinton?"

"Binaldi, Ravaccio, Dellacorte... and that's just the frames."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"And these are from Warhol's lesser known 'Thanksgiving' series."

"Dude, why can't I pinch to zoom?"

"This way—we've seen that one already."