Museum Visitor Gifts

"Law & Order: Museum Guards."

"Notice how the aye ayes follow you around the room?"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I think he was a celebrity."

Culture Saturday

'That's about it so far, Son.'

Party Animals.

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

They don't feed the animals in here very well, do they!

The Rise of Modern Art

An ancient Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Diego Rivera, Frida Kahlo, and the Art of Conversation

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."