Museumgoer Gifts

'Last child without her own cell phone' museum exhibit.

'It's described here as Adonis with a weak bladder.'

Future History Museums

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

At the Museum

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

"Meet the scribe"

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I think he was a celebrity."

'That's about it so far, Son.'

Culture Saturday

Party Animals.

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"Personally, I'm a doer."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"You're my Mona Lisa."

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

They don't feed the animals in here very well, do they!

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

The Rise of Modern Art

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.