Motorway Maven T-Shirts

Curve in the road

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

'We unfortunately had to compress our dinosaur area due to budget cuts. On the bright side, TyrannoTriStegoApatoHadroPlesioSaurodon Rex here is now the museum's most popular exhibit.'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

Hooray for Bollywood!

The sunglasses.

Carbon Dating

"Call me Ishmael."

The Exhibition at the Royal Academy

Firearms Museum. Blunderbuss. That's funny, I always thought a "blunderbuss" was a messed-up kiss.

Friends of the Royal Academy - Annual Dinner

The hall of bad ideas.

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

Pigeons fly into an art museum and perch on sculptures.

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

If Other Nations Mourned Like the U.S.

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

'U.S. Manufacturing'

A man takes a selfie with an Egyptian mummy

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'This is my new boat. I finally succumbed to pier pressure.'

'This one's titled, 'Artist's Block'.'

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

"Can you guess how much it will be worth after you die?"

"...And we ask that you please not make fun of the name."

Scary things in the museum

"It's the guy who discovered fire."

"Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is beautiful! What font is that?"

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

Tunnel of Louvre