Mortgage Cynic Gifts

'Oh no! Not another customer looking for a mortgage...'

Stock market investment advice

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Don't be too mad baby... I got a great mortgage deal!

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

'How about a reverse-reverse mortgage? In a reverse-reverse mortgage, no one pays anyone anything, and no one seems to care.'

"Before I begin my summation, ladies and gentlemen of the jury... have you considered the benefits of a reverse mortgage."

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

"So leaving it with a broker didn't do any good at all?"

Banker: The Mortgage the Merrier.

Today's Topic: "Money talks." In my case, very sarcastically.

'Good job on screwing up the economy. Now make global warming worse.'

IRS, 'Remember back when 'debt to society' referred to criminals?'

"We're going to use the 6.4 million pounds to purchase a terraced in a run down area of Huddersfield."

'I can remember when banks competed for customers...Now its shareholders.'

"Oh you know, insider trading and fudging the number before lunch and then some fraud in the afternoon. How was your day?"

Freddie Mac hearts Fannie Mae.

Be flamboyant-today living within your means is mucking-up the economy.

"I don't know what's wrong lately. Railing at the fed doesn't make him happy any more."

The H.M.O. Expensive Care Unit: The we all have to go sometime ward.

Diogenes and the Greek Crisis

'If I understand it right, we hold the mortgage on the bank which holds the mortgage on our house.'

"I'd like to get a second opinion on your bill."

Home-Town Savings: A super-conglomerated financial company with a local-sounding name designed to put you at ease while we play with your money like a drunk tourist in Vegs.

'No need to worry about this recession. When this one is over there'll be another lined up.'

"You do have health insurance....right?"

Foreclosure.

Stocks fell today on bad economic news that stocks fell today.

"It's the artist's impression of our proposed new housing development."

"Aliens poked and experimented on me for 8 hours -- and there wasn't even a co-pay!"