Debt Cynic Gifts

"You're bankrupt... That'll be $45,000 please..."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

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Stock market investment advice

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Always Compatible

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

"Stocks rose today on news that even higher taxes won't stop the rich from getting richer."

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'Yeah, I think we have a future together. Would I write you a post-dated check for my half of the dinner if I didn't?'

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

Love Then and Now

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'It's just a male thing - none of them can feign passion beyond the event horizon.'

'You need to alter your portfolio allocation. Right now it's 25% stocks, 15% bonds and 60% margin loans.'

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'