Morning Humorists Pillows

'Early morning is the best time to attack your prey: Before they have the chance to drink their coffee...'

'He's trying to figure out how to install a snooze alarm.'

'He isn't use to getting up this early.'

Monday: Next 7 exits.

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

'Household water use'

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"Dang it."

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

Sometimes the 'Staggers-in-at-4 AM Bird' beats the Early Bird to the worm.

'This corn's got dandruff.'

'I wrote on this piece of cardboard because the teleprompter is broken. Just say something about technical difficulties and we'll be right back after these messages or whatever. Just don't read this on air!'

'What time is it? The small hand is on the 6 and the cat's paw is on my chin.'

My new trash pickup day is midweek, on Wednesday. Hump-day dump-day!

'Oh yeah? Try to sleep in when your dad is a rooster!'

'Hey Dad - you're shaving with my transistor radio!'

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

Listen, Mom - someone in there must be ticklish!

'Typical, next door gets an image of Jesus on their toast, and we get Richard Branson!'

'Cock-a-doodle... don't.'

"Ladies ladies, please. There's enough of me to go around."

Clocks. Why do you want two alarm clocks? Getting up is bad news and I want a second opinion.

"Still a little sleepy, Tiger?"

"Chinese food? I'll call it in if you'll pick it up."

"I made breakfast last spring."

"Ed woke each morning at dawn to feed his pets, and each morning at dawn, Bruno and Luna frightened Ed. Yaaaaa! Wha? Who's there?!"

What, you've never seen coffee with a worm in it? The Too-Early Bird.

Well, of course, the eggs are fresh this morning.

The Mid Morning Bird

Voice on the webcam to man's dog - You're looking a bit rough this morning, John.

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

'And this one is for first thing in the morning.'