Morning Humor Lover Pillows

Off Licence - "What wine goes with breakfast?"

'My wife finally got up early enough to fix me a hot breakfast.'

"I made breakfast last spring."

'Oh yeah? Try to sleep in when your dad is a rooster!'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"States of tofu"

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Fly Football

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Beach con-man.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"