Morning Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"They're comfortable."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"She wishes to range free!"

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

How Amazon was invented

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'