Morning Humorist Pillows

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

'What time is it? The small hand is on the 6 and the cat's paw is on my chin.'

Polio appeal,help fight cancer, junk mail - "And a good morning to you."

"I hate Daylight Saving Time."

"Every morning I feel like I've been generated by an artificial intelligence."

Clocks. Why do you want two alarm clocks? Getting up is bad news and I want a second opinion.

Lance, what do you say to people who read the comics over breakfast and find it disconcerting to see you drinking beer early in the morning? I tell them to read "The Fusco Brothers" at cocktail hour.

He's making the sun stand still! Ah, the "brake" of the day!

'And this one is for first thing in the morning.'

"It was very sticky last night."

Voice on the webcam to man's dog - You're looking a bit rough this morning, John.

Listen, Mom - someone in there must be ticklish!

"Oh, no - not you first thing in the morning!"

"I was wondering if it was the cereal or your bones, but since you're eating eggs..."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

Monday: Next 7 exits.

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Household water use'

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

'He isn't use to getting up this early.'

"Dang it."

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

Rocket charmer.

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'This corn's got dandruff.'

Elon Musk's Twitter Bid

Sometimes the 'Staggers-in-at-4 AM Bird' beats the Early Bird to the worm.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."