Morning Guru Gifts

"What a day, huh, girl? Maybe I’ll roll around in something!"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

Broken Alarm Clock.

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

The coffee's not working.

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

"Leadership ISN'T just about trying to be BETTER than everyone else!"

'Now, who owns this project?'

'I must say, I do like your incentive program.'

'Well I like to think every cloud has a silver lining.'

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

'It's really lonely at the top of a dot.com company.'

You have the worst spring breath.

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'